He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
