i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
