I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
