he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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