I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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