do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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