I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
