her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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