its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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