he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
