I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
