Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
