I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
