dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
