i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
