I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
