I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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