How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
