it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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