Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
