If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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