We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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