new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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