she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
