I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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