Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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