i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
