I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
