Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I look better un-naked...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
