no one should ever give us hovercrafts
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I see more hoeing in ur future
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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