Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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