Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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