dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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