That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
