dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My feet surprised me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
