Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just gargled with NyQuil
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
