Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
