I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
