ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
