Where did you get a picture of my penis
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
