hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Girls should come with a carfax report
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
