i wish my penis had a tongue
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
