Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
