Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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