I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
