I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
