Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
