remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
