Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
