I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think my moral compass just broke
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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