Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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