Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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