and i looked up. we had an audience...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
