end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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