He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i believe in u and ur pee
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
