Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
