So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
