Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
