I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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