wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I touched a dick in church today
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