I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
