I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
