bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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