M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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